I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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