My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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