I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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