Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Operation Purity has been aborted
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
