i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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