Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
