I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
