In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
