And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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