we're blogging at a bar
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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