hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
