I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
