So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
