i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
