You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
