Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
