I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize