If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
