saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
