I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
