you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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