I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize