Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
