I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
