I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
