I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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