I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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