So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
