i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
