I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
