i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
