Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
