so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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