I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
