Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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