still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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