She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
