I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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