Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
