We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
