Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
