so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
