i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
