u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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