Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
