you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
