She tied me up with her honor cords...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
