Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
