i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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