chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
two words: eviction party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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