Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
