i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
