The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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