So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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