drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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