Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
