He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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