You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
