After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
