my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
