I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
