you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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