So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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