If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
