did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
