Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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