I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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