So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
