they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
