I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
