she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
