Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
