It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
