my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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