i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
