This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize