So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
