After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
