it's like iHOP with fire
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
