break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm really busy with my period
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
