where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
