I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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