Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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