I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry about my life...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
