i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
