I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize