The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
