It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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