My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Damn victory sex feels great
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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