We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
