2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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