I got chris browned last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
