Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize