Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
