you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
