you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was like eating out sand paper
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
