I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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