The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
