Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
