The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
