moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
