Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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