It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
