I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
