Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well you can't waste a boner
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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