she woke up with a sticky ear
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i drank out of a bidet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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