Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
