i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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