Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
