Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
