some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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